Some of the things no one talks about

I have lived my life with varied levels of planning.  There were many, many years when I planned like crazy...then life happened and I learned that sometimes no amount of planning can get you through something.  Sometimes, which has become more often than I ever thought possible, the foundation on which you find yourself is what gets you from point a to point b.  You can read more about this journey in finding my foundation of self here http://foundationofself.blogspot.ca/  

So this journey before and after FAI surgery has taught me even more about how life seems to keep on going and you manage, or excel, or fail even in spite of your best laid plans.  But like a lot of things.  There's so much about our experience that we don't share.  Why don't we do that?  I want to do that.  I want to be able to be honest, to reach out, to ask the universe is anyone else out there feeling like this.  

So like I am in my life, in my blog I am brave and I ask the silly questions.  I share some of my secrets, fears and pain.  I do this because I believe I can be an example, a leader in a world where more often than not we keep these things hidden because we think that people will see them as ugly.  But I am here to prove that it doesn't have to be that way.  All of who we are is our experiences and even the messy and difficult parts of our life are beautiful.

Recovery of course has it's milestones that are so very exciting.  But this is real. REAL life, and a REAL recovery.
So here are some things I didn't know going into this, some things I told a few people and even some things I haven't told anyone.
- The first two weeks were really tough - on my stomach and digestive system it got to the point even after a jar or two of prunes I wondered if I was ever going to go to the bathroom again.
- There were also several days that the nausea was so bad I lived under the veil of a cold cloth.   (I can recall trying to explain to my husband at one point that the cloth wasn't wet enough nor was it cold enough).
- The day you manage to get a sock on without grunting is farther in the future than you expect and more exciting than you imagined. 
- I thought there would come a point when I got bored - but it was worse, way worse.  There were days when I felt depressed and trapped and days when a trip to the grocery store helped me feel normal again.
- No one told me how awkward sex was going to be.
- You don't realize how much you move, twist and use your hip doing just about EVERYTHING, until you can't!

 - Once I graduated from comfy pants to real pants it was disappointing to see that the pile of pants that didn't fit was bigger than the pile of pants that did
- Your life becomes a countdown; first it's hours, then days, weeks, then months.
- Recovery doesn't happen as quickly as you might think.  Well it's more accurate to say that recovery doesn't stay at the same speed.  Somethings come easy and others take hard work and a long time.
- I constantly had to remind myself to slow down and take my time.
- I got tired easily early in recovery and still do.
- I admire all the moms and dads out there who have this surgery, get to the part of recovery to head back to work and still have children to take care of at the end of the day.  I don't know how you do it.  There are days when I am exhausted - I can't imagine being responsible for another human being in all of this!
- I wonder when I will get to be as active as I once was, and fear that I won't.
- There isn't enough information to help young women decide surgery before or after pregnancy.

There's so much still unsaid - I will continue to be brave and share my story and experience and I encourage you to do the same - Not just in your recovery, but in your life!

Two month post-op anniversary

I find it hard to believe all that I have accomplished in two months since surgery.  Yet I am fully aware of the long road I still have ahead of me.  Of course I have to continue to give my body time to heal from the trauma of the surgery.  I still have swelling and minor pain  with some of my range of movement.  But I can put on my socks and winter boots with ease - for the most part.

I also have to give my body the chance to heal from the ongoing trauma I experienced as a result of my non-functioning hip.  To be honest - I am not sure what normal even feels like after having an injured hip for so long.  One thing I know for sure now - even in the difficulty of rehab after surgery I feel a million times better than before.

On average in the past week I have had very little pain and only one day that was really tough.  The tough day, I still made it to aqua-therapy and I was kind to myself.  I kept moving but made modifications as needed.

Over the weekend my husband and I took advantage of the abnormally warm winter weather here in Ottawa (+1) and took our dog to the dog park.  We did only a fraction of a trail, but we all enjoyed the opportunity to get outside.  I was so caught up in the beautiful sunshine and the opportunity to be walking outside that I was not really paying attention to the distance we had traveled until my husband suggested we turn around and head back to the car.  Thank goodness we did, because I then realized I was tired.

This is the part of the recovery that gets difficult because I have moments of impatience where I wish I was completely active again.  But then I slow down and remind myself that this is a process, a journey that will lead me to a positive outcome, only if I take my time, be kind to my body and never give up!

Baby steps to recovery

Weeks 6-7 I have started reintegrating myself into my active life again. I have learned that it's not always easy.  Someday's are better than others.  In my early adventures on my own, outside of the house without the assistance of crutches were scary and eye-opening.  I ventured out for a massage and a pedicure.  The massage is part of my recovery and my massage therapist was a saving grace in treating my chronic pain in the years before surgery.  The pedicure was also out of necessity as I had trouble reaching my toes to manicure them myself.  But let's be serious - the indulgence was nice!

Anyways, on my travels I took to using the city-bus as my mode of transportation.  Prior to getting on the bus however, I had to prepare for the trek (albeit, a short distance for my healthy self), from my house to the bus stop.  I practiced this walk several times in the days leading up to my appointment.
Once I was on the bus I realized how invisible my injury was.  I had to ask for the bus to be lower (so that I didn't have to climb up as far) and negotiate a seat in the front usually reserved for elderly, moms-to-be and individuals in wheelchairs or walkers.  I found it very eye-opening to have the experience of having a disability that all can't necessarily see.

As I started to continue to feel better (less pain) and feeling generally stronger I felt well enough to head back to work part-time.  I worked three days my first week and I was exhausted!  In my travels back to work it was interesting to hear peoples surprise that I even needed surgery in the first place.  Then I realized that my reality of living with an invisible disability has been a reality for many years, because many people didn't know the full extent of my chronic pain.

I am currently in week 7 and I finished my 3rd day of work.  Today I was very happy to have worked my full day and was able to remain mindful of giving myself the opportunity to stand and walk around.  I am a school-based counsellor, so often I can spend an hour sitting in a session with a client.
Anyways at the end of the work day today I felt awesome.  My pain was one on a scale of one to ten, with one being the lowest!

The past two weeks I have gone to two pool therapy sessions per week.  This has been wonderful.  If you can find a warm pool that offers aqua-therapy and/or chronic pain classes in your area I strongly suggest you go as it's a wonderful addition to your physical therapy.

I am looking forward to weeks 8 & 9.

My own recovery space at home.